Why is it that one has to complain to be heard? My sister’s family is going to Paris in 3 weeks and we were looking forward to taking them to a 2-star Michelin restaurant. We had asked to be in the chic restaurant but were turned down because we were too big a group, 13. The maximum number they accept is 6. They suggested that we go to their regular restaurant and we agreed. They said we couldn’t order à la carte because the group was too big. They said they would suggest different menus but we must all have the same thing: same starter, same main dish, same dessert.

Chinese people are used to eating lots of different dishes at one meal. It is normal to have 3 or 4 dishes: a meat dish, a fish dish, a vegetable dish, a soup plus rice.  I am not saying that my Chinese family should expect as varied a choice in a French restaurant but surely 2 different menus to allow for each guest to daintily taste the other’s plate is feasible?

No. After 28 emails, the answer was still no. So my husband and I decided, “What the heck? They’re not the only restaurant in Paris!” So my husband wrote a polite but direct-to-the-point email and guess what? The Food and Beverage Manager himself wrote us a very nice apologetic email, telling us that yes, after all, they can accommodate our request.

So why is it that when you are nice, everybody takes you for granted? But when you show your claws, then people give in to you? It’s not just in nice restaurants. It’s everywhere. I was in the Philippines and had a few things repaired. It is so much easier and most of all, cheaper, to have pants hemmed, curtains made, clothes repaired. So I went to this lady and when she saw that I had ironed the folds of the curtains, meaning I don’t know a thing about sewing; that I didn’t know what the current prices were because I had asked her if her price included the purchase of the hooks; because I didn’t bargain, she charged me more and did a sloppy job to boot! I am kind to the driver and he tries to manipulate me so that he can have time off!

Here I am wanting to help people and willing to share what I’ve been blessed with and I find that I am taken for a ride, fleeced, had, conned!  Either that or people expect you to do it and to continue doing it because you happen to be a have and they, have-nots. Oh, you get the “Thank you. How kind and generous of you.” But what is not spoken is, “Till the next time.”  I pay a friend’s debt; he had borrowed money for his daughter’s tuition fees. I paid it into the lender’s account. A few months later, my friend sends me a copy of the email he sent to his friend asking to borrow the money again!

My mom had a very good policy. When someone wanted to borrow money from her, she would say, “I won’t lend you money because if you can’t pay, you will be ashamed and want to avoid me and I will lose your friendship. So here is something to help you.” She will not give the whole amount that the friend is asking for but she will give what she thinks is reasonable, what she can spare without resenting, what she does not mind not getting back.

Wise words.