Well, the prompt for today’s 500 words was “Pick a fight.” Jeff Goins meant: “A short statement of purpose that represents what you believe in. This needs to be a hill worth dying on, something not everyone will agree with (but some hopefully will).”

I meant pick a fight, literally, verbally, that is.  Almost did. But I held my anger in check. It really does no good when one is angry. Decisions made in that state of mind usually lead to chaos and heartache, words said in a hurry with a lifetime to regret them by.

So thank God for email or letters, when one can take the distance needed to calm down, check one’s feelings, weigh one’s words, choose them carefully to make sure you give them the meaning you want and that they, hopefully, cannot be misunderstood.

A very good friend of mine thinks it is best to do these things face to face. That can come later; I prefer to write first. Just to sort out my thoughts, to know what it is I am feeling and then to try to communicate it, the non-aggressive way. I learned that you do not say, “You made me angry when you…” Instead say, “When you did this, I felt angry.” No one can make you angry. It is your feeling, not the other person’s. They may have done something to make you angry, and maybe rightly so, but you cannot blame them for your anger. The anger is not theirs; it is yours. You have to own it. Then you have to process it.

I’ve found this very helpful. It calms me down. And it makes me see things for what they are, sometimes shows up some things about myself I don’t really like but that is good, isn’t it? As long as I am blind to it, I can’t do anything about it but once it’s out in the light, then I can.

Someone said, “When you point a finger at someone, there are 3 that point at you.” Do it right now, literally, point to the wall and see where your third, fourth and little finger are pointing at. Your chest. So it starts with you. As long as I’m blaming someone else, I’ll see red.

Another friend asked me, “Ok, ok, she is wrong, horribly wrong, but for every relationship gone wrong, isn’t there at least 2% that’s yours? Can you not ask forgiveness for that 2%?”